not your babymother

My first year being a single parent kind of sucked. I never had time to do anything because I was always attached to my kid. I couldn’t go out. I couldn’t hang out. I couldn’t work much. I felt trapped.

It didn’t help that the first few guys I talked to also sucked. They reminded me why I wanted to just stick with one person. If they weren’t broke they were ugly if they weren’t ugly they were lame. An ex with nothing to offer emotionally, a weedman who was too short for me.

Another was a married mechanic, considering a second wife (his wife knew about it). Before even going out (we never did… you’ll see why in a sec), he told me that a bonus for dealing with him would be that he loves kids. A lot of guys out here, he assured me, weren’t into that.

And because he told me he hated hearing me curse, I told him men don’t give a fuck if I have a kid.

I’ve met enough men to know that men do not care about that shit (related: I just found out that I have a lot of scorpio in my chart). These guys will take whatever they can get. I didn’t even need to have a kid to know that. You’re not going to fool me into thinking you’re special for being ok with kids.

Meeting men used to be a lot different. It’s something I did with my friends. If we were bored, we’d dig into our texts to see what was up. Then we’d compare and go with the best option. Does that sound fucked up? It didn’t feel fucked up.

It wasn’t like we were broke either. We had jobs. We were in school. We could go to a bar or restaurant or trip alone (and meet more guys). We were just looking for fun.

Sure, money played a role. But it wasn’t about numbers as much as it was about how they spent money. If they were cool, then we’d keep chilling with them and see where it goes. It used to seem worth the night to chill with people we didn’t really know because (t)he(y) might turn out to do cool shit. Needless to say, a lot of times they were not cool.

I’m back in that exact same dating pool now, remembering all the bullshit that comes with it. But with a baby at home, I’m just not as available. Don’t try to be spontaneous when we just met. A plan needs to be made by men I specifically feel like seeing. I’m not rushing my kid around to see you day-of. I’m not sending him off somewhere for a two-star plan. And if I end up wasting a babysitter on you because you did some dumb shit, then we’re going to have a real problem.

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