All you gotta do is convince yourself they don’t look that good act that good or fuck that good ✓✓✓. Boom, roasted.

Okay. Playing (kinda). Really it just is what it is. And it basically is that list lol. You’re persuading your own self out of things. And hey certain situations just end up like that. I happened to have two years back to back with two different guys I had to end my romantic obsessions with. I was meeting one around the time I felt finally over the other.

But now (and again) I’m hovering over the end of this list, which is a quick breakdown of my tried and true technique that does absolutely work–eventually. Like I can say that the whole process is extensive and horrible and takes a while, like a WHILE. Weeks, months. It’s slightly easier if you’re accepting of this on your way into it.

Know that there’s no clear directory towards or away from any one of these steps while you’re in it really either. They’re hard to plan. You will mostly find yourself in them. All there is to do is let this framework breathe and be. Lucky for me, I’d been here before and already knew what was in store.

Anyway, here’s a rough outline:

1. Delete all the calls and texts (and jpays, if applicable). Don’t need to keep seeing this person’s name written out whenever I take out my phone. That’s exactly how advertising implants desires into us. NOPE. Delete, delete, (delete).
2. Be sad and replay many negative memories in response to that sadness. Anything that serves as evidence of something short of an evil streak because that’s how far it must have gotten for me to get here–you know, where I need to get away not just leave. Cuz there’s a difference. So yea re-envision everything that you can’t possibly overlook any longer. The shower is good for this. So is the middle of the night when you’re trying to fall asleep. Sometimes in the morning this comes up again, missing having them there. Pretty much whenever you’re alone.
3. Run back to them.
4. Delete again and remind yourself all the stuff they did (plus now this new lil thing that made you delete).
5. Smoke a lot.
6. Run back to them.
7. Delete again, smoke more again.
8. Try to forget.
9. Begin to feel dead but at the same time also a lil better.
10. Run back to them.
11. Delete again.
12. Replay specific lines they’ve said. Exact quotations from them. Really relive those bad moments, including all new really recent items. Rage insane about how dumb you’ve been, over and over again over someone who just I don’t know. Don’t get it.
13. Feel a lil better.
14. Go to someone else.
15. They fuck up in their lil way.
16. Delete.
17. Be sad.
18. Be sad.
19. Be sad.
20. Feel a lil better again.

-Rachel Wagner 2020