After leaving my son’s dad, I had a feeling I’d never meet anyone. I’d dated around already for over ten years by that point. I was all set. Good. Done. Long short, near far. Been set up, beat up, drugged up, lied to, left behind, liked, loved. I know what goes on, and I had really seen enough. So I was happy to be done dating when I got serious with my son’s dad. But things didn’t go as planned and in a few years I was back out in the field. Didn’t want to be there but alright.

Now I’m in the middle of this book called The Improvised Woman, which is about the culture of single womanhood in the 90’s. Marcelle Clements writes her thoughts and also interviews a bunch of other single women talking about things like breaking up and basic standards. It’s also about how they feel after ending a serious relationship. The truth is that being single and happy happens when you settle in and see what your life really looks like, even beyond school and work and kid. Pretty much everyone says the same thing–being alone is no-question better than miserable.

If I was being interviewed for that book, this is probably what my section would say: I meet a lot of men but none of them are right. Since I’ve been single again, I may deal with someone for a little while here and there, but I know that most dudes are just lusty and wanna fuck, and I don’t want that. Luckily I’ve always been the type to have my own place, my own car, a real job, actual things I like to do. I value my peace a lot. And I know I want the real thing or nothing. I don’t want just any old person. I want someone I like, not just someone to love.

-Rachel Wagner 2020

More pieces I’ve written on this topic: “Not Your Babymother” & “Men Follow Me to the Car in the Dark” & “Performing Femininity”