To be fetishized

There was this whiteboy a few years back who was fake-surprised black guys liked me cuz I was skinny. I had to do a proverbial pat on the head like, Every. Body. Wanna. Taste. Same thing I end up telling all my dudes. It doesn’t matter gay straight white black whatever, everybody wanna taste. Please do not play with me in that way. Anywhere, everywhere I go. When I walk in the room or step out on the street. It’s either gay men trying to bring me in on a threesome or an eighteen year old hell bent on getting with me. Girls grabbing me up close, a ways away from whoever it is I came with. When I was young at clubs dancing with dudes they’d tell me they were about to fall in love, or lately on this bike I pull mad dudes more dudes than before. It’s nothing. Like I said, it’s regular. Had one dude tell me not too long ago that I should stop getting so dressed up when we go out because too many dudes were looking at me. I was like that’s just my life. He was like yea but now you’re with me. I was like ok well then this is our life lol. It doesn’t matter what I’m wearing. Same dudes like me dressed up or working out. Hair up hair down. Outfit could be tight or loose, either way all it takes is one look.

-Rachel Wagner 2020

Other pieces I wrote on this topic: “Performing Femininity” & “Men Follow Me to My Car in the Dark” & “Dirty Money”

More Girltalk pieces:

One random hour without my kid

When that car door closed with my kid inside and I walked away, I was so relieved to be alone that I almost didn’t want to hit up this guy who had been trying hard to see me. And he’s nice. Still when I got inside I was like yea I could just chill this […]

Forgetting your book

My friend has a back porch that’s good for reading. It was built onto the house by her friend. The structure houses a table and chairs nonetheless. Sitting back, you face the long rectangular backyard. We sat there and talked and I also sat there whenever I was alone. In the morning with her sleeping […]

Another day 11/10

my chemical romance is really out here changing lives lol i’ve had a few students write about them over the years honestly weed was already legal to the extent that i use it lol and student loan 4giveness–ya’ll wasn’t getting that shit back anyway lol again… people are gonna do what they’re gonna do no […]


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