Sunday 2/21/2021

• Just finished A Little Life
• Come outside & not 10 minutes go by before I’m leaning into somebody’s beamer & they’re asking for my number smh.
• Such is life.
• Otherwise feeling pensive.
• Mannie Fresh beats are such a joy!! They make the song worth listening to until the last sound. That’s talent.

Monday 2/22/2021

• El deseo no es amor. Los hombres me desean pero yo se que está vacío.
• Moon is in cancer tonight.

Tuesday 2/23/2021

• Teaching today

Wednesday 2/24/2021

• Tutoring today

Thursday 2/25/2021

• Teaching today

Friday 2/26/2021

• Sexy sad sweet… that’s the brand lol…
• Had a long work week. Closed everything up for the weekend tho. SHU can suck it until Monday.
• Finished reading Amor online today.
• Read the final third of that book out loud to my son this morning, translating the gist of it every few sentences. He was quite invested.
• Was on a date this week and 5 min in he told me he had a girlfriend lol.
• I should have known cuz he kept implying that I had a man I was like nah not at all. Those types hope you’re in a relationship too so ya’ll can both cheat. No thanks!!!!
• “What is it that you want most?”
  More freedom.
• Me and the dude were going back and forth about presidents and shit at one point. I was like year trump was no worse than any other president. Biden is doing the exact same shit as we speak. He was like trump took away Obamacare! I was like Obamacare sucked!! Why are we still paying 4 health insurance?? Talk to me when we have medicare for all.
• I was arguing with a different dude a lil while back about why trump had to go tho cuz of how he made people feel & he was trying to list out what’s wrong with Biden & them. I was like yea well I also didn’t vote for Biden. So, wrong hoe.
• Mfs have no imagination! Can’t relate.
• “Nice and sweet and nasty” lol Madagascar is mad funny… got the DJ talking mad shit…
• They shot the lion with the tranquillizer and he was in the zone seeing shit. I was like damn I want that lol.
• This dude really thought he was going to trip and fall into some pussy lol. I think not.
• You know the truth let’s not pretend I’m not ya friend no ya guy I’m not ya bud don’t show no love -Drake

2/27/2021

• I love rain.
• I stand before the mirror. I think to myself, You are a desirable woman. You are not a dozen gerbils in a skin casing. -Raven Leilani, Luster
• Again…
  Nasreen: *reads a book*
  Me: *buys that book immediately so we can talk about it*
  lol
• I hate when I put my book down 4 a sec facedown and it turns out I laid it in a lil puddle of water.
• It’s interesting how the books I read align with each other randomly. Like the book I finished yesterday was about a woman meeting an online bf IRL. Now the opening scene of this book is also a woman on her first IRL date with an online guy.
• Some men at least have the decency to guide you immediately to all the things that are wrong with them. -Raven Leilani
• This was the contradiction that would define me for years, my attempt to secure undiluted solitude and my swift betrayal of this effort once in the spotlight of an interested man. -Raven Leilani
• Another day as they say
• I keep meeting men who would rather call than text
• Doing too much
• And also not doing enough lol
• Y ellos no solo prefieren esto. Ellos pretenden que pueden llamarme solamente. Si yo escribo, él me llamado. ¿¿¿QUE???
• Yo agregué español a mi teléfono finalmente.
• Escribiendo en español es diverido y diferente. Es bueno.
• Yo no escucho a un hombre que me dice lo que va a hacer. Significa nada. Tú tienes que esperar y ver. Es simple.
• Se llama evitar la decepción lol no es posible todos los tiempos pero tú lo intentas.
• Thought I was getting a migraine earlier but it was just a regular headache from arguing with my bd. Crisis averted.
• I said to my son “you’re cute” he said “no you’re beautiful” lol
• My son is a gemini sun aries moon. He literally talks my ear off on a daily basis lol.
• Now I am different. I have learned not to be surprised by a man’s sudden withdrawal. -Raven Leilani

-Rachel Wagner 2021

Other pieces by me: To be fetishized & I am my own muse & Men at the park

My books: Jacob’s Hip: Poems & FEM: New Millennium Beauty & Fashion & Abandonment Issues: Alive in New Jersey & Back Like I Never Left: Dating as a Single Mother

My bookstore: Ten Dollar Books