Another day 15

Sunday 3/28/2021

Somebody spoke fear into my idea so now I have to do it just to spite them scorpio problems lol
Life…
Got a virtual poetry event to read at today. Guess I should pick which poems I’m going to read.
Okay gonna do:
- Tale of 2 whitegirls
- The library hold
- To be perceived
How I introduced each piece:
- So “tale of 2 whitegirls” is about a woman who got shot near my house a couple months ago and her name was Rachel. This piece is about her and me and the guy she was seeing.
- “The library hold” is about this guy who I was dealing with last year, and who I wouldn’t let near me this year but I still think about him. So that’s annoying. And that’s what this one is about.
- “To be perceived” is shorter than those. It’s about one of my first relationships kinda. Like revisiting that time period through art that I made back then. So it’s who I am and what my work does.
You looking me in my eye but you ain’t feeling me in ya heart -big boi
Look boy I ain’t 4 that fuck shit so fuck this -andre 3000
Chillin drinking some rolling rock

Monday 3/29/2021

Having a job is so humiliating for some reason lol… so you’re telling me I have to spend ½ the week giving away my creative energy to others… in order to afford to do my creative work the other ½ of the week…
Like…
“I do know how to read. At least give me that.” -a professor of mine back in undergrad talking about catching plagiarism on someone’s paper lol
Maybe things will be ok. Idk.
I chose to be sad for hours instead of just smoking and moving on.
Then I smoked and moved on.

Tuesday 3/30/2021

Today was weird.
Taught three classes and worked with a bunch of students.
Then I went to a book club meeting and felt so great talking to other people about a book lol. That is truly the best part of college. It’s nice to be a participant not the teacher. Either way I’m going hard but still it’s just different when you are choosing to be there. Not forced to go for pay in order to afford housing and food and health care and wifi and toys for my son and books and clothes and shoes and whatever else I buy.
Anyway at that book club meeting I was talking about how I didn’t like that Where We Stand acts like middle class people and poor people are so far away from each other. Of course it’s different, but it doesn’t just go poverty to middle class to truly wealthy all evenly. There is a HUGE gap from middle to upper class. So I don’t like anything that’s not calling for some solidarity between poor and middle class groups.
I did like the book tho in general. I wrote about it here: Where We Stand by bell hooks
Then afterwards I went outside and this guy was trying to talk to me about how he likes me and he been liked me. Gave me a whole speech for himself. I was like yea ok aight. Then I went around back and was standing there reading while my son was playing. Had to rush myself from there to the store for migraine medicine. Then cooked, cleaned, and went to sleep.

Wednesday 3/30/2021

Thursday 4/1/2021

My son started watching spongebob this week and he was on the one where spongebob is trying to be a lifeguard but is scared to save patrick when he’s drowning and my son is like wait but they’re underwater? I was cracking up like, you have a lot to learn about life I see!
Yo doy cara natural y cuerpo natural—¿como tú estás enojada conmigo?
Ate a sushi burrito today. It was good.

Friday 4/2/2021

Yo estoy casi al final de Yo No Soy Tu Perfecta Hija Mexicana y Capital Illustrated sobre Marx. Haciendo uno y otro, uno y otro.
¿Porqué no conozco a hombres que les guste leer?
Ready to move.
Hate when women hate me but I’ll play it like ok that’s cool if that’s how you want to be then I guess we’re not cool.
Dudes will be like oh I know you must have mad dudes trying to step to you, but then they are also just another dude trying to step to me.
What’s worse: a guy who is in a relationship trying to talk to you or a guy who just got out of a relationship recently trying to talk to you?
Trick question—they’re equally terrible cuz they’re the same guy!
Again, I’m good.
Yo terminé Yo No Soy Tu Perfecta Hija Mexicana. Mi primero novela real en español.
I have a copy of the Spanish version and the English version of that book at Ten Dollar Books.

Saturday 4/3/2021

-Rachel Wagner