Another day 18

Newark, NJ 4/18/2021

Sunday 4/18/2021

  • There’s a dude out here mad at me 4 smoking up his weed. Another mad at me 4 cutting him off 4 not having a car. Another mad I didn’t wanna talk 2 him cuz he has a girlfriend… lol bum behavior.
  • Like I will walk right past ya stupid ass… do not care…
  • My fav writers:
  • “ya beautiful self” 😊
  • Feeling very alive today. Very awake tonight. Bout to read instead of watch tv. Then probably watch tv.

Monday 4/19/2021

  • It is as if after decades of backbreaking work, much pain, and the miseries of poverty, disease, and ignorance, we were able only to transport ourselves from the field to the marketplace, a dingy miscellaneous, and untidy repository of produce strewn about in hopes that it will catch someone’s eye—a passing businessman’s, a dawdling boy’s, a timid housewife’s—there to be consumed on the spot, and thence to disappear. -Edward Said
  • Read all morning. Still going back and forth between After the Last Sky and El Odio Que Das.
  • Pre-ovulation season.
  • Life is crazy.
  • It’s crazy how much your menstrual cycle effects your body and mind. Transforming all month long.
  • I became really in tune with it in the past few years. I can tell little things about my shape or attitude towards life. The amount of sleep I get. The energy I have. Simple things like that stand out.
  • I specifically like holding physical books to read. No audiobooks zone. No e-books either.
Newark NJ 4/18/2021

Tuesday 4/20/2021

  • Me:
    My nephew: oh yea I read that book you gave me & it was really good
    😊😊😊
  • Just won a game of freeze tag against some lil kids.
  • I do not like to call it a Palestinian diaspora: there is only an apparent symmetry between our exiles and theirs. -Edward Said
  • Edward Said is so great.
  • “ya hair just blowing in the wind…” LOL
  • Another day
  • Sitting outside reading and watching kids. 75 degrees or so.
  • Obviously I wore a miniskirt today.
  • A lot of bitches is mad tho -cardi b
  • Burke is so attractive. Like Derek looks better but Burke is more appealing. Christina is dumb as hell for how she treats him. He really puts himself out there and has a cute lil way of being.
  • It’s sad thinking about certain situations.
  • I love non-verbal communication. If you can’t read my mind, then you don’t get me.

Wednesday 4/21/2021

  • Today is weird.
  • Tutoring is ok. Grading is the devil.
  • Woke up relatively late & made it work anyway. Got my son on his computer, got on mine, he got off, then I got off cuz I was getting burned out… was sad 4 a while then I just burned it down… now I’m like ok why is it about to be 7pm lol…
  • I don’t care how late I wake up, I’m running and doing my whole routine. I’d rather be late to the next thing than on time and not how I wanna be.
  • Reminds me of that story by Junot Diaz about Yunior finally taking up running as an adult and then tearing his ACL or hurt his back or something. Anyway he couldn’t run anymore and that torture (among other things) and loss of a fun activity was so devastating.
  • Again… clothes get wore up.
  • In the background of any sadness, I know I could smoke and be good in 2 seconds. 
Newark NJ 4/19/2021

Thursday 4/22/2021

  • The tie between us and our past was not only severed in 1948; it is periodically and ritually reserved in the sustained war upon our national peoplehood by Israel. -Edward Said
  • Just finished After the Last Sky.
  • Got this ex from a while ago who has been wanting me back for years cuz I was fuckin with him when he was down (we were like 20) and now he’s doing really good 4 himself so for him it’s like hey you really liked me foreal… but to me I’m like yea but you fucked up back then so you didn’t really like ME when you were down so…. why would I be excited to get back with you?
  • Today was hard.
  • Me:
    My son: you’re the best mom ever
  • Anyway free Palestine & Kashmir & Haiti
  • Mis exnovios me extranan pero yo no los extraño…
  • I don’t fake and I don’t hate -TI
from Call Me Princess

Friday 4/23/2021

  • Finally no work today.
  • Read this morning. A little of El Odio Que Das y entonces leyendo Call Me Princess
  • Head turner
  • I’m sorry but me stepping out and not looking good? That’s really not happening.
  • My Japanese name is Richi (that’s what they call me at this food place I order from).

Saturday 4/24/2021

  • Three different people trying to be toxic in the same 24 hours… like damn chill on me lol…
  • I’m good tho.
  • Couldn’t focus on any reading this morning. Read a couple pages from five different books:
    • The Novel and the Police
    • Gone Girl
    • How Europe Underdeveloped Africa
    • A Devil and Her Love Song
    • Object Lessons: Hood
  • Watched some animal videos with my son (mostly lions and whales and elephants).
  • Cute weather today.

-Rachel Wagner


My books: Jacob’s Hip: Poems & FEM: New Millennium Beauty & Fashion & Abandonment Issues: Alive in New Jersey & Back Like I Never Left: Dating as a Single Mother

My bookstore: Ten Dollar Books & Youtube

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