Saturday 1/1/2022

• Ignore the hate ignore the fake ignore the funny shit -young ma
• What did I think Carrie? That he’d see how good I make cupcakes and realize he was in love with me? -Miranda, SATC (that’s my paraphrase idk the exact line just sitting here thinking about that scene)
• Playing connect 4 against two six year olds and I’m busting their ass or whatever & my nephew gonna say “oh you got bronze and brains. That means you smart AND you clever.” Lol
• My companions have always been children. But this is not because I am a child myself; it is simply because I always felt drawn to the society of children. -Fyodor Dostoevsky p 102

Sunday 1/2/2022

• Destiny’s Child kinda day
• “I just don’t understand you get chance after chance and you say that you’ll do right but I really do not know if you can it’s not in your plans that you’ve shown can you change don’t think so now I gotta let you go”
• Stores in North Newark will really give you a mint instead of five cents change lol
• You can find me… on a dark road, dark clothes…
• You stay on my mind
• All the time
• Me:
  My son: hey mom where did the first star come from
• Fuck I look like hoe I look like yes and you look like no
• Keep ya bitch ass lines inside the margins… it’s lil Wayne dot com bitch log in…
• “I graduated anger management just like I graduated Cornell” lol (the office)

Monday 1/3/2022

• It is an axiom of social change that no revolution can take place without a methodology suited to the circumstances of the period. -Martin Luther King Jr. p 20
• things I got for myself at a bookstore:
  • The City in Which I Love You by Li-Young Lee
  • In Love & Trouble by Alice Walker
  • A Project Chick by Nikki Turner

Tuesday 1/4/2022

• Reading MLK right now and love how his philosophy relies on now. No not later not in due time. Change it now.
• Currently in the middle of his second book: Why We Can’t Wait.

Wednesday 1/5/2022

• Nobody:
  Me: smoking with some dude

Thursday 1/6/2022

• Dudes be like I don’t wanna treat you right but I do wanna keep tabs on you….
• Crazy to me that I used to take two trains to get to school in the morning to teach then I’d be there until 9:45pm taking classes lol. Like what.
• I’d love to be able to do that again. With a kid that’s a no go. With corona that’s a no go.
• I need to figure out what else to do to be.
• Sex and the City time
• The naked dress
• Great sex and greasy Chinese
• I adore trite
• Don’t you want to stand still with me?
• As good as she looked, somebody had to, needed to and was going to see her this day. -Nikki Turner 107

Friday 1/7/2022

• Finished A Project Chick. Well read some, then my son forced me to go outside in the snow, then we came back and I really read the last 20 pages or so.
• And then he kissed me. –SATC

Saturday 1/8/2022

• I love seeing my cat chilling on the couch coolin like yea get comfortable.
• Just lounging
• Drugs o’clock
• God don’t like corny
• Thinking about how Nikki Turner dedicated her book “to every single mother left to fin for herself! Your struggle is not in vain! This is for you!”
• Nice

Sunday 1/9/2022

• Sunday morning stuff:
  • Cry reading a poem
  • Walk in the woods
  • Forget my lighter
• Would you believe I forgot my lighter again
• Lowered shipping prices for packages under one pound at Ten Dollar Books

Monday 1/10/2022

• His love of her makes her completely conscious of how unloved she was before. This is something; though it makes her unbearably sad. Melancholy. -Alice Walker p 8
• So serious
• Punkass book jockeys

Tuesday 1/11/2022

• Rather not
• SO I WON’T

Wednesday 1/12/2022

• Reading Alice Walker whenever I get a chance

Thursday 1/13/2022

• She will read every one of the thick books in her arms, and they are not books she is required to read. She is trying to feel the substance of what other people have learned. To digest it until it becomes like bread and sustains her. She is the hungriest girl in the school. -Alice Walker p 123
• In grad school one semester I had to pick between two classes I wanted to take. So I picked the one class and then got all the books assigned in the other class and read those on my own lol.
• You can really teach yourself anything if you’re a good reader.
• “It’s 2am we don’t serve nachos”
  “I don’t give a fuck boy. It could be 3am! Where them shits at??”
• My dad only hitting me up to talk about student loans… bro I don’t care…
• Mi gran amor… que tristeza… tu solo juegas con el amor…
• Another day another flat tire

Friday 1/14/2022

• Mechanics love me (fortunately)
• Guapísima
• Ok my syllabus is 90% ready
• Taught my son about dropping the e to add -ing today
• Crop tops in the winter
• You know the streets raised me & I don’t give a damn if you hate me -Wayne

Saturday 1/15/2022

• To be alone with you…
• Cara de enamorada
• People read my stuff and think they know me lol
• No I’m not lucky I’m bless yes -nicki
• Me & who
• A lot of bitches is mad & I be seeing it -cardi b
• Don’t care plus I look good

Sunday 1/16/2022

• Ella le fascina la ropa… sí yo soy ella lol
• Past couple days I’ve been rereading some intro/intermediate Spanish books cuz yea diving right into adult stuff is too much I need to look up
• I need a new YA novel written in Spanish so that I can work up to these adult books I have already
• Also need to write this conference paper. I only have a couple pages written right now.

Monday 1/17/2022

• Ya paso
• Yo lo quise mucho
• Una chica muy dulce
• Finding a kid who wants to learn a language that I half know ❤
• My nephew opened his bday gift & said “Rachel is a good woman” lol he’s seven.

Tuesday 1/18/2022

• Woke up with a headache. Cool.
• Reading Song of Solomon

Wednesday 1/19/2022

• Finished my syllabus finally and wrote to my class about tomorrow.

Thursday 1/20/2022

• Tell the truth & shame the devil

Friday 1/21/2022

• Reading Song of Solomon right now. It’s good but I like Tar Baby better.
• I think my fav Toni Morrison book is a toss up between Tar Baby and Jazz. Tho I haven’t read Bluest Eye in a while.
• I was reading bell hooks’s dissertation last month and she was saying people praise Morrison’s books with male narrators/perspective more so than her first 2 books which focus on women.
• So like Bluest eye is more about women, Tar Baby follows 3 men. Song of Solomon follows a guy mostly.
• But I think what’s special about Morrison is that all her characters are full no matter what demographic she pulls them from. Like how Shakespeare does it—everyone in the play is. person. Zadie Smith said that about him: how Shakespeare is everyone. Black white male female. I see that with Morrison too.
• Everyone has dignity. Even the people who suck.
• And I guess that’s the point of fiction and reading. To see yourself in others. To realize your feelings are valid. To see that no one is all bad. Or that badness is human.
• Skip past haters (Juelz)
• Watching the spongebob movie for the first time
• I used to call, and must now learn not to. -Lorelei Bacht
• Anybody else watching And Just Like That? I’m really enjoying it even tho it’s corny as hell at times.

Saturday 1/22/2022

• “Ya eyes are very beautiful—you’re very beautiful. It’s not just ya eyes.”
• I do it for the girls who got kicked out the bakery in department in Vineland NJ for reading a book on the clock.
• Trying to remember a poem I have wrote in my head an hour ago.
• Got it.
• So many students come to college saying they used to love reading and writing, now they hate it. Smh. Just one way the school system/SAT stuff distorts literacy. Creating disinterest.
• Then I bust my ass all semester trying to make it cool again lol.
• Seriously K-12 needs a complete overhaul. By design it is sooo not inclusive not productive not good enough. 
• I teach first year writing at Seton Hall University by the way. And school started a couple days ago.
• I’ve also taught pre-k & K-12 too. Teacher’s aid, substitute, I’ve tutored the SAT. All that. So I’m not just poppin shit from the academy.

Sunday 1/23/2022

• Apparently he thought he deserved only to be loved—from a distance, though—and given what he wanted. And in return he would be… what? Pleasant? Generous? Maybe all he was really saying was: I am not responsible for your pain; share your happiness with me but not your unhappiness. (Toni Morrison 277)
• Sigh 
• No wonder
• In opulence. In lux. In love.
• Finished Song of Solomon. Sooooo good. 
• Thinking of doing a giveaway with that book. I got it for cheap and the cover is kinda fucked up so I wouldn’t sell it but otherwise it’s a clean copy.
• Hate what happened to Hagar
• Hombres de la calle
• Finally picked up this YA Spanish book I’ve been wanting to get to and turns out it’s not YA so I can’t even read it. ugh. 
• Ok back to looking for a YA book in Spanish
• Ashes still getting on us (Wayne)
• Idk where ya’ll at but I’m in my mode (Wayne)

Monday 1/24/2022

• Bill and I met on an elevator, fell in love because of cats, and lasted because of bees. -Novella Carpenter p33
• Not working on Mondays and Fridays is pretty good
• Flow of the week is interesting. Mondays aren’t that bad.

Tuesday 1/25/2021

• Rereading Farm City because I feel like it.
• Watched the first couple episodes of Euphoria season 1. It is frustrating to watch those girls in those situations. 
• It’s one thing for me to do it! Lol
• Reminds me of this book called Girls Like Us. It’s written by someone who was sexually trafficked. And she now runs an organization getting girls out of those situations. So dope. Similarly frustrating.
• The section in Song of Solomon where Hagar won’t leave her room and then looks in the mirror and runs around to get cute and then stuff starts dropping out of her hands omggggggg
• That and the hunting scene. So good. 
• Maybe I’ll keep that book.

Wednesday 1/26/2022

• SHU professors and tutors wanting to be remote *handshake* SHU administration and students (!?) wanting to be in person
• Been saying this but what should be happening is teachers getting better at remote learning. Study methods that have been used for decades already. Thinking of international ESL teachers. Work on their craft in a dignifying way.
• Instead everyone is just demanding labor the old fashioned way. And it sucks because people will just leave academia or the education field, leaving behind that problem to other individuals who can’t choose to leave.
• Like me I’m out. Teaching in the classroom is not for me anymore. I did my time. I know what goes on. And I’m good
• They want to stick me in a basement room with no windows. Same rooms we had before. No social distancing requirements or anything. The thing about it is tho… you won’t see me there. 
• My students wanted me to request a different room which I did. But it’s crazy that anyone has to teach in those conditions. Mfs can’t get some fresh air ventilating through? Damn.
• Gonna be hard to let go of that library access

Thursday 1/27/2022

• First actual teaching day was a success.

Friday 1/28/2022

• Finished Farm City today. Such a feel good book. And she’s cool.
• All I do is think about you
• It’s too late

Saturday 1/29/2022

• Mira, pero no toques
• Yes I’m annoying and give people books for their bday lol
• Sooo glad not to still be sad and obsessed. Now I’m just sad *handshake*
• Boundaries really work. Who woulda guessed.
• Oh shit Toni Morrison is an Aquarius 
• Just responded to a student’s question on the weekend. Hold the applause.
• Me when a person who lives a scammer lifestyle also scams in the name of love :-O
• Sucks but hey that’s life.
• Hate when a dude thinks you’re just on bad terms when you really want them to d*e
• The thing about boundaries is that people are gonna hate them. But you just have to stick with it.
• Sexy smart always reading
• Undue attention
• It’s incredible that someone so unforgettable thinks that I’m unforgettable too…

Sunday 1/30/2022

• Aquarius men are always calling me mean lol
• Kanye x Brandy
• 3 seconds into “Hold Yuh” I had to switch to the Nicki version lol
• Where I’m going I don’t need you
• Fuck a competition ima murda them (Wayne)
• You see they phoney I’m not (Wayne)
• Had an ex come back around recently and was mad as hell that I wasn’t making it easy 4 him lol talking bout “submit! Damn!” Lol boy go head.
• How would I know you like me if you don’t spend money on me like it’s nun?
• You give bottom feeders a bad name
• Sentence enhancers
• Almost interesting

Monday 1/31/2022

• Why does it cost $7 shipping to send snacks to someone who’s locked up? Why does it cost $7 to send them money? Why do they need food and money while they’re locked up?
• I keep doing this thing where I only eat breakfast and then go do some running around in the early afternoon and then I come home a couple hours later starving. Do not recommend.

-Rachel Wagner

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–  Read or Die
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– Jacob’s Hip: Poems
– FEM: New Millennium Beauty & Fashion
– Abandonment Issues: Alive in New Jersey
– Back Like I Never Left: Dating as a Single Mother

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