by Rachel Wagner

People assume when you’re single that you must be out having wild and crazy sex all the time or that you are actually just dating a lot of different people or damn how many boyfriends do you have or whatever. But really anyone who has been single a while like I have knows it’s not like that at all. I mean, in spirts maybe it’s like that. But not on the regular at all. And that’s mostly because there just aren’t a lot of good people to choose from.

I read this manga yesterday called Secretly I’ve Been Suffering About Being Sexless, and as the title suggests she goes a year without sleeping with her husband even tho she really wants to. I know more than a few women in relationships who say the same thing–they want to have sex and their partner doesn’t. Hearing those stories about long droughts like that, I’d always be like what? lol. I guess I’ve experienced time in between, especially after having my son, but never to that extreme while I was with someone.

It’s different going a couple months without sex when you’re single. That’s light work. Pretty normal. I mean, it’s definitely no problem finding people who want to have sex, but that’s not what I want. I’d rather be alone than do that. Sex for sex’s sake is flat. Boring. Wack. Even if it’s fun, it doesn’t last. That’s a whole person you have to deal with one way or the other afterwards (and before). So yea it can feel like you’re suffering without sex, but not dealing with anyone at all is peaceful as hell.

Maybe the most jarring shift during periods of sexlessness has to do with how you get your period. When you’re sleeping with someone or if you just have regular, safe sex one time at some point during the month, you’re stalking that period app in your phone like a madman. Analyzing dates and times and ovulation windows. Worrying about cramps, wondering about smells. Counting down the days, praying that you see some blood. But when you’re not with anyone, your period just comes.

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Other pieces by me: Someone to like & Getting over someone is easy all you have to do is… & I am my own muse

My books: Jacob’s Hip: Poems & FEM: New Millennium Beauty & Fashion & Abandonment Issues: Alive in New Jersey & Back Like I Never Left: Dating as a Single Mother

My bookstore: Ten Dollar Books